Friday, 4 June 2010


The REAL Battle of Huntingdon 1459

Well, the "independant" reporter was obviously commenting on a different battle. After the bold Scots, with their heroic Lancastrian allies, advanced across the field into the hailstorm of cowardly Yorkisk bowfire, the gallant few assaulted the town walls. Prior to reaching the walls, the Lancastrian bowmen brought such firepower down on some stupid Yorkist levy bowmen, that they broke, never to rally. First blood to the good guys! The Irish Gallowglass, supporting the Scots as they obviously know whose side God is on, attacked some scury scum crossbowmen hiding behind one of the town's outer walls. The craven crossbowmen kept dodging the lethal axes of the Irishmen, and thought salvation was at hand when some Yorkist nobility (nobility? NOBILITY?!?) charged into the flank of the axemen. Who stoutly held, their massive axes laying low the odd mounted gentry. This was too much for the lowly mercenaries, who promply fled. This caused yet more crossbowmen to turn tail, not wanting to face the wrath of the real warriors.

Now unsupported by any friends, the Yorkie Bar knights were taken in the rear by some Irish Kerns, gleefully taking advantage of the knights preoccupation with the Gallowglass, and this was too much for the gentry; they broke, and were cut down to a man in the following pursuit.

While all this was happening in the East of the town, the bold Scots general (a distant relative to the Spaniard "who had no name") was leading his German pikemen in an assault against the western ramparts. Alas, the heroic troops could make no headway, so the general, seeing an opportunity to lay down some devastating bowfire against the pretender, who had advanced (yes, I know, staggering isn't it?!?) into an interesting position. So the good guys broke of their attack against the town, but the chivalrous bowmen decided not to shoot at the pretender! How outrageous was that? So the Lancastrians, in full control of the Eastern half of the town, started to regroup their entire army - all of whom were still on the battlefield - ready to initiate another co-ordinated assault against the battered defenders, when the prentender asked for a truce (something to do with his bedtime?).

So, when the following morning arises, the victorious Lancastrians expect to be in complete control of the town, with the Yorkist's having slunk away in the night. And far from the Scots general avoiding combat, he was in the front rank of his men, on foot, battering at the walls and the defenders hiding behind them, while the pretender remained well to the rear, sat on his horse, ready for a speedy getaway.

What can I say? That's what happened. Who do I get to fight next? And surely my reputation grows? Stormed my way into and through 2 towns now. When is some Yorki "hero" actually going to give me a proper fight?

He also who has no name.

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