Monday, 21 June 2010

Lancastrian Musings

We offer our greetings to all our noble subjects and allies.

We must celebrate our glorious triumphs in battle at Northampton and at Wakefield Common. The rebels have received two devastating defeats in the same week. Surely all must see that God is against them.

At Northampton our Scottish Friend defended the town and Priory against two rebel armies inflicting huge losses upon them and maintained his line of defence until night fell. The Rebel Earl of Essex revealed his popularity by fielding an army of foreign mercenaries. Stanley the Younger decided upon not supporting his allies assault for some mysterious reason so the Yorkists failed when by rights they should have easily swept our forces away. It is rumoured that 'Stanley the Younger' is a lookalike, the real Stanley having been kidnapped following a previous rout of Yorkist forces. Essex followed his usual practice of having huge numbers of his troops killed for no obvious reason.

At Wakefield Common our victory was even more decisive: Richard of York (self styled 'King' Richard), faced the forces of Margaret of Anjou and Lord Percy. All he had to do was leave Wakefield Castle, and take the road to Pontefract Castle to evade our forces. Instead he was cornered at Wakefield Common, believing that Lord Percy would aid him. Alas he was mistaken, for Percy had accepted Our forgiveness and deployed to attack Yorks forces. This he proceeded to do with skill and boldness. Anjous forces engaged Yorks all along his front and succeeded in turning back the rebels and eventually overwhelming their entire army.

At this point Richard could have shown his mettle and led his army to victory or death like a King. Instead he revealed his true nature; as his Men at Arms were hemmed in on all sides he slipped away from them and ran off to Pontefract, leaving his army to its fate. He boldly, bravely, ran away!

Richards army dissolved soon after and he was the only survivor. Our spies note that when interviewed by his allies after his heroic escape he confided "they were all expendable. I was okay and thats what mattered." Who could not want to follow this noble 'King' into battle?

We are grateful to our loyal and victorious generals and bestow upon them our thanks and the following gifts:

Our Scottish Friend is awarded the Lordship and Baronetcy of Houghton and Wyton, including the new village and garrison of Wyton on the Hill. He may also freely sack and destroy our disloyal towns of Lakenheath and Hendon at a time of his choosing.

We recognise the loyalty of our Noble Lord Percy and forgive him any sins and misjudgements that he may have had before. He has served Us bravely in battle and We award him the town and Castle of Wakefield, the Lordship and Baronetcy of the Alconburys.

Queen Margaret of Anjou's forces were led by a common soldier going by the name of 'Big Lawrence'. In our gratitude for his fighting skills, loyalty and success in the field of battle we award him the Lordship of Stewkely including Stewkely Meadows, and he is hereafter recognised as Her Majesties Champion.

In addition we must celebrate these crushing victories. All loyal nobles are instructed to have two days feasting and general debauchery, during which it will be in order to hang anyone bearing the name Richard or York without penalty as part of our victory celebrations. Peasants may have one half day off work to go to Church to thank God for saving them from the Yorkists.

For King Henry Plantagenet

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